About the Author
I’m Zoe, nee Mardi Gras, code name Chickamauga, aka Little Miss Sunshine, scientific name: Pulchra femina, Dark Web name: Asesino de gatos. My Native American name is Four-White-Paws of the White-tipped Tail Clan.
I’m young, svelte, and beautiful — the envy of all the other bitches. I’m not vain; that’s just the way it is. I’m also athletic. I enjoy running the most. Here in the highlands where I live, I run in the woods every day. I’m a hunter too. I specialize in small game: squirrels, chipmunks, gophers, rats and mice.
I love to sun bathe — in the nude of course. In fact, I like doing everything in the nude. I love to eat, and I have an eclectic palette. There’s hardly anything I don’t enjoy eating, except shrimp. But I stay trim as a result of my rigorous workouts. I’m also very affectionate, but don’t get your hopes up boys. I’m spayed.
My favorite movie: Cujo by Stephen King. About a dog gone bad, but it wasn't his fault.
My favorite novel: The Call of the Wild by Jack London. Go Buck, go!
My favorite food: Anything! (except shrimp). Well, I especially like scrambled eggs, sardine can oil, spoiled meat, kimchee, yogurt, popcorn, and pencils (No.2's have the best flavor).
My favorite band: Three Dog Night. Howl 'bout Joy to the World.
My favorite rapper: Snoop Dogg of course. Howl 'bout Doggystyle.
My favorite artist: Andy Warhol. The paintings of Marilyn are just fabulous.
My favorite song: Who Let the Dogs Out by the Baha Men.
My philosophy: Treat others with no preconceptions. If they smile, wag your tail. If they snarl, chomp their ass.
Gurriculum Vitae
Education:
B.S. in Poopology, Boneyard University
M.S. in Canine Ethics, St. Bernard College and Seminary
Ph.P. in Applied Neurolinguistic Dogology, Affenpinscher Polytechnic Institute.
Divinity of God diploma, The Unleavened Church of Episiotomy, a subsidiary of the Norman Carbuncle Ministries and Fiduciaries of Lincoln, Nebraska.
Honorary Doctorate, The Sister Theresa Order of Nunafites for doggish contributions to humanity, zoology, and invertebrate incubational theory.
Career accomplishments:
AKC Certified poopology public practitioner in Flagstaff, AZ.
Instructor, Pooplington School of Intestinal Medicine.
Director of the Poop or No Poop Institute.
Movie director and actor. My most acclaimed work is Dogzilla! for which I was awarded the Oscar Meyer excellence in filmmanship trophy.
Publisher, editor and reporter for The Daily Poop newspaper.
I am the founder and hardhat of the Siddha Yogi Ananda Sivananda Paraphernalia Ashram of the Highlands. My title is Sai Baba Swami Bhagwan Raman Maharishi Yogananda Jagatguru Mahatma Zoe of Springerville. (Simply known by my devoted hardhats as the Blessed Zoe Dog of Bliss, or alternately as The Shimmering Lotus Dog.
Publications:
Dog, Zoe, Ph.P; "On Poop and Pooping." Journal of Jamaican Poopology. 11:369-375. 2012.
Dog, Zoe, Ph.P; "Free the Rats, Use Feral Cats." Society for Laboratory Exploitation. 21:102-129.2014.
Dog, Zoe, Ph.P; "The Wisdom of the Canine Nose." Ranger Rick Magazine, October 2016.
Dog, Zoe, Ph.P. Poopology for Dummies. 1st ed., Oxford UP, 2015.
Dog, Zoe, Ph.P. "The Varmint Problem and How to Solve It." Pest Control Technology Magazine, August 2014.
Dog, Zoe, Ph.P. "The Withering Bone - a Treatise on Prehistoric Dogs." Journal of Coptic Archeology. 4:134-139. 2013.
Dog, Zoe, Ph.P. "Can Fido Survive in a Polyglottic, Androgynous Society?" The Dog Linguistics Magazine, December 2015.
Dog, Zoe, Ph.P. A Turd for Agamemnon. 1st ed., Barnicle Publishing, 2015.
Dog, Zoe, Ph.P. "A Poop in the Sun" [screenplay] (2010).
Dog, Zoe, Ph.P. "The Illusive Triple Poop: Fact or Fiction." Gastrodogjournal. 3:133-247. 2008.
Dog, Zoe, Ph.P; "Castoroides of New York City: Groundbreaking Research." Journal of Castor Oil. 2:234-417. 2017.
If you are speaking the truth you don't have to remember anything.
~ Mark Twain