The Oracle of Zoe
Many of my readers have asked me to provide them with my insights that go beyond the pale and wan.
(They clearly understand the transcendental nature of my intellect.) Well, I can only oblige:
Concerning the true nature of existence:
The whiff of abhorrence cannot compete with the syllabications of ignorance. Do we exist, or are
the earthworms the true masters who manipulate the consciousness of all other living things, real and imagined?
Concerning the brunch controversy: Is carrot cake for brunch compatible with the Great Flood and the apocryphal warnings in the Daily News? Lest we venture an answer before reflecting upon this, let us sun bathe in Bucharest under the winter sky with Beluga roe and toast.
Concerning the redemption of sinners: How do you jump start an immoral being? Jesus! Praise Jesus! Crush the abomination of sin with Vaseline and Bhut Jolokias. Hallelujah! Rectify a liver and onions enema upon high, and inject a hermeneutical suppose-a-story hot poker from the Forge of Deuteronomy. (Note: Vaseline typically is used as a lubricant for both appropriate and inappropriate activities. Contrary to popular belief, it is not good on toast, muffins, or bagels.)
Concerning the Higgs boson quandary: Why are the masses what they are, and are they always Catholic? Fields associated with H particles are neither green nor zero, and yet, mirabile dictu, particles get their masses from empty space Higgs field interactions.Thus the mass is a mess in an empty field that is not green.
Concerning the hokey pokey: To the uninitiated, the hokey pokey is nothing more than a silly childhood dance. But there is a deeper meaning for those such as myself who are experts in arcane practices. In ancient times, Hokey the Egyptian goddess of fertility and Pokey the Babylonian god of one-night stands, became enamored with each other. Their courtship ritual became the hokey pokey dance, which, if executed properly with all of the required incantations, causes the dancer to enter into a state of celestial bliss. That's what it's all about.
Note that my responses to these enigmas of life are in themselves cabalistic. What more could you expect from the Oracle of Zoe?
But even the President of the United States sometimes must have to stand naked.
~ Bob Dylan