The Origin of Zoe Dog

Not even I knew of my origin until one day, all of a sudden, I had an episiotomy and all was revealed:

The Thesophilia Society, located in Teec Nos Pos, Arizona, was founded by a Russian occultist named Helena Balinski, and three English occultists: Zebidiah Lockjaw, Annie Basalt and Rev. Franklin Wifebeater.

Balinski gained an international following as the leading proponent of Thesophilia, an esoteric religion that the society promoted. She taught that Lord Maitreya—a figure she borrowed from Buddhist mythology—would come to Earth as a messianic figure. Her ideas on this were expanded upon by Lockjaw.

They believed that there is a deeper spiritual reality and that direct contact with that reality can be established through intuition, meditation, revelation, or some other state transcending normal human consciousness.

In the teachings of Thesophilia, Ascended Masters were believed to be spiritually enlightened beings who in past incarnations were ordinary beings, but who have undergone a series of spiritual transformations.

In their search for the next Master, Wifebeater charted an astrological progression that indicated he should travel to Winona, Arizona. It was there that he found a feral pup. Wifebeater was impressed by the aura he perceived from the pup, named her Zoe Krishnadogi, and proclaimed her to be the next incarnation of Lord Maitreya. He then took the pup back to Tec Nos Pas and took control of her education, indoctrination and expected mission. With Basalt, Wifebeater established a group known as the Order of the Sacred Skull to promote the idea of Krishnadogi as Lord Maitreya.

Wifebeater and a small number of trusted associates undertook the task of educating, protecting, and preparing Zoe Krishnadogi as the "vehicle" of the expected World Teacher. Despite her lack of education and concerns about her capacities and physical condition, she grew healthier with each passing day and quickly learned to speak and write competently in English. She was taught the beliefs of Thesophilia on a daily basis.

At first Krishnadogi was overwhelmed by the attention and treatment she received. Before she was discovered, she lived a lonely life and scrounged through trash bins for food in order to stay alive. Now she was treated like a princess. She was given a soft bed to sleep on. She was regularly groomed, and she was fed three wonderful meals every day. (She especially enjoyed the pork chops with gravy and applesauce, the venison filet mignon, and the blackened catfish with cranberries and mashed potatoes.)

After about a year at Tec Nos Pas, Krishnadogi, having been taught to deeply meditate, went through an intense life-changing experience. It was a spiritual awakening, a psychological transformation, and a physical reconditioning that culminated in her understanding that all of the beliefs she had been subjected to were nothing more than delusions. She realized that the occultists had manipulated her. She denounced all organized religions and the Order of the Sacred Skull.

Through her meditations Krishnadogi developed her six corpuscles of life:

1. Life is the beginning, and death is the end of existence.
2. Everything is changing.
3. There is no self.
4. Painted cakes do not satisfy hunger.
5. When you have nothing, you have nothing to lose.
6. Live by no man's code.

She changed her name to, simply, Zoe Dog, returned to the highlands where her life had begun, and lived as a humble stray, but she hoped some day she might find a home where she would be loved.