The Missing Nipple
I pride myself on my appearance. I'm sleek, athletic, young, and overall just drop-dead gorgeous. But now I'm having some doubts.
My friend Kyle came over the other day, and we were playing around on the floor like usual, when he said, "you're missing a nipple!" My god,
I was devastated. I was sure I had ten, which makes me supremely endowed. But after a closer look, I had to admit that the left nipple of the
third pair was indeed missing. Alas, I am defective. I am asymmetrical. I can no longer portray myself as a paragon of beauty.
I dragged my despondent self to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. Horror of horrors - my whiskers didn't match! On my right side, which is white, my whiskers were white. On the left side where I am brown and black, my whickers were black. Why can't they be the same color? Am I a freak of nature? Then I looked at my butt and started to swoon. Was it sagging? Oh, no!
I'm now having to reassess my self-image. Is it all about nipples and whiskers and the shape of one's rear end, or is there something more intrinsic to consider? Is there some inner beauty that's more important than one's outward physical appearance? No way sister. I'm going to get a nipple implant. I've heard they're not too expensive in Mexico. Dr. Felix Dipinto comes highly recommended. A little shoe polish will take care of my white whiskers. I'll need to think some more about my butt.
You can observe a lot just by watching.
~ Yogi Berra