Driving Home From L.A.
Me and my buddy Roberto were returning from a trip to L.A. We went there to attend a River Whyless concert at the Moroccan Lounge. (At first I thought River Whyless was the name of a musician, but it turned out to be the name of a folk rock band.)
On our way back to Phoenix we got tired. We needed food and a place to stay for the night. Near Blythe we saw a run down restaurant, the El Chorizo, and a motel, El Palacio Del Placer. We decided to stop. We went into the restaurant and took a seat in a booth. The place was empty. After a wait, a fat waitress came to the table and said, "What'll you boys have?"
I replied, "How about a menu."
She said, "We don't have no menus. This is a low budget establishment."
I said, "OK, I'll have a BLT on rye and a double vodka neat."
Roberto said, "Si."
"Say what? We don't gots no liquor license. You can have Pepsi, Mountain Dew, Red Bull or iced tea."
"OK, iced tea then."
"Si."
The waitress snidely said, "You look like California boys", as she took our order.
After we ate, we checked out the motel next door. It was really run down. We went in, and I asked about a room for the night.
The guy at the desk said, "One or two beds?"
I replied, "Two."
He said, "Well, it's extra for two beds, 'cause that means two girls."
I said, "We don't want any girls, just a place to sleep for the night."
Roberto said, "Si."
The guy at the desk replied, "If you want a room with two beds, you have to pay for two girls. Think about it. We have some fine looking girls and none of them are older than 65, well except for Jenny. She a bit over the age cap, but she makes up for it with her enthusiasm. What do you say boys?"
I shouted, "Fuck you asshole!" as we started walking out of the hotel.
Roberto said, "Si."
The desk clerk yelled at us, "Because you're new customers, I'll give you a ten percent discount!"
We figured we would have to sleep in our car.
Just then a black sedan rolled to a stop, and two guys stepped out. They looked very unsavory, and they were wearing orange jumpsuits. One of them walked up to me and said, "Is the food any good here?"
I replied, "Not really."
He went on, "My name is Carlo and this is my buddy is Hicky. We just broke out of San Quentin today and drove down to southern California where we robbed three banks. Not bad, eh? Hey, is that your car over there?"
Carlo said, "We need to switch cars "cause we're on the run. Gimme your car and you can have mine.
I said, "No thanks."
Then he pulled a gun out from under his jacket and said, "I insist."
I replied, "Hey dude, we're just trying to get home after a long drive. Why don't you just leave us alone."
Carlo snarled and said, "Now are you with me or not?"
I said, "Here are the keys. By the way this motel is really a whore house. If you're tired of driving and want some action, this place can accommodate you. Tell the guy at the desk that you want two beds and Jenny. She's the best."
He tossed me the keys to his sedan, and he and Hicky started walking toward the motel.
Me and Roberto went back into the restaurant and used the pay phone to call the police. We told them what was going on, and they said they would send out a squad car. Then we went back to the sedan and looked around. In the trunk was a shotgun with shells lying around. I loaded the shotgun, put the rest of the shells in my pockets, and then we sat in the sedan and waited for the cops. After about 30 minutes we realized that the cops were not coming. I guess criminal activity in Blythe is not a priority.
I said to Roberto, "Fuck this shit! Let's get those motherfuckers!"
Roberto said, "Si."
We left the car. I carried the shotgun as we walked up to the motel.
Then the dogs started barking and barking. I woke up knowing that they wanted their breakfast.
"Jeez," I said to myself. "Can't I at least finish a dream before the dogs wake me up?"
