The Cruise - Part 2: Villainy in Florida
After all of the turmoil at the airport, the flight to Florida was a
piece of cake. Now, you may be asking yourself how a mere dog is allowed
to travel like a human. Well, let me explain. When I was barely more
than a pup, I worked at a prison and underwent intensive training in the
martial arts, in non-lethal restraint techniques, and in chiropractic
manipulation. I became an expert, and I was recruited by a federal
agency whose name I cannot reveal.
I was taught how to operate cars, trucks, trains, and heavy machinery. I learned how to survive in the wild living on bugs and peanut butter sandwiches. And I became a linguist, speaking dog Farsi, dog Arabic, dog Mandarin, and dog Parcheesi. I became a certified federal intelligence dog with full clearance to restrain, disembowel, and terminate both foreign and domestic enemies of the state. A chip was embedded under my skin so federal operatives could scan me and confirm my pay grade. So you see, when traveling, I'm accorded all privileges except first class and free meals. I can even check one piece of luggage for free!
Once in Florida I rented a cheap motel room. It was just a matter of waiting until the next day to board the ship and begin the Caribbean cruise. That evening I got bored, so I ran over to the Florida Cigar Bar and Lounge to smoke a few stogies and chat with the locals. While smoking a Don Carlos and sipping brandy, I noticed I was sitting next to a Doberman wearing an eye patch. He said his name was Herr Staubsauger. I immediately became suspicious. Where had I heard that name before?
Having indulged in far too many glasses of peppermint schnapps, he started ranting about the Canaan dogs.
"Zey're an inferior breed," he growled.
Ears perked up at the bar. I looked at him baring my sharp teeth. That's enough, Staubsauger!" I said in my deepest voice. He was too bombed to get my intent.
"Und who are you?" he asked, while raising the eyebrow over his seeing eye. "Vat breed are you?"
I deflected his questions and trotted home.
If you do not know where you are going, any road will get you there.
~ Lewis Carroll