The Cruise - Part 5:
Non-Sentients and Rashers
On the days at sea I enjoyed observing both the passengers and crew.
The crew were always friendly and polite, but very busy. There was a lot
of work to do. The crew acted like a colony of ants with each member
knowing his or her duties. They were always working - cleaning,
polishing, removing trash, bringing in supplies. The crew did not swab
the decks. They used power washers instead.
I interacted with quite a few people onboard, and I found that most of them were quite friendly. I discovered that about 20 percent of the passengers were non-sentient beings. Most of them were Stage 2 Non-Sentients. (They could walk around, eat, and perform other bodily functions, but they continued to be asleep.) I did not see any Stage 3 Non-Sentients (Zombies), although one old guy asked me how fresh my brain was. I immediately let him know that it was quite stale and had been for many years.
All of the dining room staff kept calling me "Madam." I was beginning to feel kind of important until I noticed that the staff used that title for all of the female passengers.
I thought I would try to use some nautical-speak with one of the crew, so I came up to this Vietnamese guy with a starched white shirt, epaulets, and black pants and said, "Good morning Admiral. Avast ye lubbers."
He looked at me in a very odd way and silently walked away.
It was dinnertime so I shared a table out on deck with three shipmates. I noticed that most of the passengers had an incessant need to talk, even when they had nothing to say. They also enjoyed talking (bragging?) about all of the places they had been around the world. I started a conversation at my table.
"My kibble tastes especially good this evening," I said with jocularity.
Nick replied, " Oh, that's nice. When I was in Mongolia last year, I ate some mutton stew cooked in a deboned marmot's abdomen that was simply wonderful."
Monte then said, "Well, the camel liver, brains, and spicy pepper dish I had in Egypt during the African cruise was to die for."
Mary chimed in, "Yes, yes, there are so many tasty foods around the world. My favorite is pidan (fermented quail eggs). It was served to me in an absolutely marvelous restaurant in Hanoi."
Then Nick said, "I think I will have a second portion of pork chops and potatoes. Can I get anything for the rest of you?"
Monte answered, "As long as you're up, bring me some more liver and onions and some of that tasty wine sauce."
Then Mary said, "Nick, be a dear and bring me six more dinner rolls with lots of butter."
As he was getting up Nick said, "How about you Zoe?"
I replied, "I'm good."
Then I started thinking. Hmm, liver? Liver? I've got it! I'll manufacture a "LiverStrong" bracelet that will promote good health. People will buy it! It will be a prestige item. That's the ticket. When I get ashore I need to follow up on this.
After being in the dining room for several days it occurred to me that something was amiss. The passengers appeared to be eating increasingly larger portions of food for longer durations of time. They also seemed to be getting fatter and becoming less aware.
After dinner, I went up on deck 7 to watch the blissful sea. Soon afterwards I had a strong urge to use the toilet. It would take too long for me to get to my cabin on deck 2, so I started sniffing around for a suitable spot. I went into a hallway and saw a sign at the top of some stairs. There was an up arrow with the words "Poop Deck." Perfect! I trotted up the stairs to the poop deck but there wasn't an appropriate place to go - not one single spot. What's the point of having a poop deck if it's not set up for pooping?
With a sense of urgency, I started down a hallway and found a dark corner. I took care of business and quickly walked away. I mean, I'm not proud of doing that, but what else could I do?
The next day I went to breakfast in the dining room early. I quickly became aware that it was just me and the Rasherians. They were sitting one to a table with their heads bowed before huge mounds of bacon on their plates. I did not engage any of them in conversation. I merely observed while chewing my morning kibble.
After later conducting some online research, I learned that they are found in large numbers on cruise ships because of the copious amounts of bacon that are readily available. They refer to themselves as Rasherians (or Rashers), and all of them wear dreadlocks.
They are quite secular save for their fervent worship of bacon and their holy communion. Communion is a rite performed privately among Rashers, and it is practiced on a daily basis. Typically at least six strips of bacon and upwards of 24 strips are consumed. No implements of man (forks, knives, spoons, tweezers) may touch the bacon. Thus it is eaten with one's fingers.
They bow their heads in prayer to the Holy Pig before they consume the bacon. They believe, through transmutilation, that they are eating the flesh of the Holy Pig. They don't think the Holy Pig is a god, but rather the progenitor of all bacon, thus deserving lots of adoration, flowers, party invitations, and other things.
People are like monkeys frantically grasping for the moon in the water.
~ Ryokan