The Cruise - Part 7:
Crouching Cucumber, Withering Vine
The next day was quiet and relaxing. There was a full slate of
activities scheduled, from "Roy's Daily Trivia Brain Buster!" (Zombies
limited to one brain each) to "Zumba with Maria." I decided I would
attend the afternoon session of "Learn the Art of Napkin Folding:
Impress Your Friends!"
But for the morning, I decided to take a break from hobnobbing with shipmates to work on my new movie, Crouching Cucumber, Withering Vine. It would be a martial arts movie like no other. I envisioned it having an artful blend of abject violence and parrotopathetic Sturm und Drang, with light interludes of geniality and playfulness. I wanted to work out the choreography for the martial arts scenes, before I started writing the screenplay.
As fate would have it, Yin Yang, a lovely Vietnamese dancer and accordian player was onboard. (She plays a "Beer Barrel Polka" that is sublime.) I met her while attending the daily Zumba with Maria exercise sessions at poolside. I found her lissomness and floatability so ingratiating that I approached her and suggested that we collaborate on my movie. She graciously accepted.
We subsequently worked together on the martial arts choreography for the movie. Yin Yang proved to be so complimentary that I asked her to take the costar role of Withering Vine. I of course would star as Crouching Cucumber. She was overjoyed, and in her enthusiasm almost knocked me into the ocean after delivering a cross spinal Okuriashi harai throw.
After working out with Yin Yang, I headed down the hall toward the dining room. Suddenly my guard hairs stood straight up. There she was, a Stage 3 Non-Sentient (Zombie). She was less than five feet tall and thin with gray hair, a glazed look in her eyes, and a bit of drool at one corner of her mouth. I looked her in the eye, smiled, and said hello. She looked at me with a flat affect and said nothing.
One of her ears dislodged from her head and fell to the floor. She slowly bent over, picked it up, and stood up. Then she carefully opened her purse, took out some Superglue, applied it to the ear and reattached it to her head.
Then she resumed walking. I caught her eying my brain case as she went by. I'm sure she would have attacked me if no one else was in the hallway, but I think I could have taken her out.
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
~ Mae West