72. The Enlightenment of Blackie Dog

Zoe Dog was a patrician who enjoyed all of the pleasures of her highlands home. But this was not enough for her. She sensed that there was much more to life, so she left her home to seek enlightenment. She traveled abroad and became a beggar dog. She first studied at the paws of Lee Chow, the famous Korean Zen master and martial artist.

After she mastered his teachings, Lee Chow asked her to succeed him. However, Zoe Dog remained unsatisfied and moved on. She went to the Sierra Madre Mountains in Mexico to become a student of Pancho Hua, the great Zen master and tennis player. With him she achieved high levels of meditative consciousness, and was again asked to succeed her teacher. But, once more, she was not satisfied.

Zoe Dog returned to her beloved highlands and wandered the forests alone seeking enlightenment. She contemplated the flow of the seasons, the cycles of the sun and moon, and the irritating chatter of the squirrels. One day, she sat down under a Ponderosa Pine and vowed never to arise until she had found the truth. After 40 days, she awakened.

Master Zoe realized complete insight into the illusory nature of the temporal world and the ways necessary to transcend it. These discoveries became known as "Zen Bone," which are at the heart of her teaching. Through mastery of Zen Bone, a state of enlightenment is possible for any being.

The Enlightened One built a monastery in the highlands and accepted her first two disciples, Sienna Dog and Marley Dog. After many years of practicing Zen Bone, both of them were nearing satori.

Sienna Dog meditated through inaction. She was a wooden rooster, a sphinx with paws extended. (Master Zoe suspected that she smoked some weed when no one was around to help her with her meditations.) Marley Dog meditated through movement. He was a whirling Dervish of Zen Bone. All day he would fetch a thrown ball over and over again. To him, the last fetch was as new and joyous as the first.

Life at the monastery was quite simple. There were three meditation sessions each day. During other times, all three did chores, ate simple meals of dried kibble, and took contemplative walks through the woods. There was great contentment in the monastery of Master Zoe.

One day while meditating, Master Zoe sensed that someone was approaching. Up on the ridge ran a black dog. It was Blackie Dog seeking enlightenment, some beer and some cigarettes, though not necessarily in that order. He arrived at the monastery panting heavily.

Blackie Dog said to Master Zoe, "Yo, Boss, er, I mean Master Zoe. It's me, Blackie! I'm back. Please, I want to sit at your paws and learn how to become enlightened."

The Blessed One shook her head slowly. "Blackie Dog, this is the third time you have come here seeking enlightenment," she said. "The first time you ran away after only a few days. The second time you lasted no more than a week. Why should I allow you a third try?"

"Please Boss, er Master Zoe, I'm serious this time," pleaded Blackie Dog. "Please take me in."

Master Zoe replied, "Blackie Dog there is no beer in the monastery. We had a few six-packs for the holidays, but it's long gone. We do have a bottle of brandy, but it's for medicinal purposes only. We've never had any cigarettes."

"I don't care," replied Blackie Dog. "I'm ready for enlightenment this time for sure."

The Inscrutable One sat silently for a long time while Blackie Dog paced and scratched. Then she said, "Blackie Dog, you have been the worst student I have ever had. You lack discipline and commitment, but I will allow you to stay. You will start at the bottom. Now take your hairy butt over to the kitchen and scrub the floor. Remember that the right paw must clean counterclockwise and the left paw clockwise."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you," said Blackie Dog as he trotted off to the kitchen.

"Wait," said Master Zoe, "As you clean, contemplate this: What is the sound of one tail wagging?"

"Huh?" replied Blackie Dog. "OK Boss."

Days turned into weeks, and Blackie Dog remained at the monastery. Sienna Dog and Marley Dog hardly took notice of him. To them he was just another blade of grass, just another grasshopper sunning on the path, just another dog.

Blackie Dog always was late for meditation, and when he arrived, he circled and circled his tatami before sitting down, he scratched, and he yawned incessantly. One day he asked Master Zoe, "Boss, does synthetic enlightenment work? I mean, if I ate some blotter acid could I be like Sienna?"

Master Zoe pondered this question, then replied, "No. By this means you cannot be like Sienna Dog. She has meditated for years and has trained herself to exclude all distractions so that she may see reality for what it really is. Synthetic enlightenment works, but it is temporary, and as high as you can go, you must eventually come back down and live again in the illusive material world."

"Oh," said Blackie Dog dejectedly, "I was just thinking…"

At this moment, Master Zoe picked up her bamboo cane and whacked Blackie Dog on the head, back, and butt. "Go back to the kitchen," she said, "and scrub the floor."

Weeks turned into months, and yet Blackie Dog stayed. At night after everyone else had fallen to sleep, he would sneak out of the monastery and run down to the store in the valley below the highlands. There he would rummage through the trash bins looking for cigarette butts and open cans of beer that still had some suds. He would smoke and drink all night, but he was always careful to return to the monastery before first light, tip-paw over to his tatami, and curl up to sleep.

One day during meditation, Sienna Dog stood up and pulled several joints out from under her tatami. She spit them out of her mouth and said, "The Herb is an illusion, all of this temporal world is an illusion, although a very convincing one." At that moment she became enlightened. She slowly scratched her neck with her back paw and said, "When the mirror's glass is shattered, no longer is there anyone to see." Then Master Sienna sat back down and resumed her meditation.

Marley Dog kept fetching the ball. Master Zoe knew that he already was enlightened without knowing it. He always was in the eternal Now. He had no sense of self. He just fetched the ball as he always did.

Blackie Dog had fallen asleep. The Impermeable One came over and woke him up.

With a start, Blackie Dog shook his head and asked, "What is enlightenment Master Zoe?"

The Blessed One replied, "Beats me. Maybe it has something to do with using a higher wattage light bulb. Now off to the kitchen Blackie Dog, and contemplate this: Dog does not live by bone alone."

"That's an easy one," said Blackie Dog, "You also need some kibble everyday and some treats. I prefer Greenies, but Milk-Bone biscuits are good too." The he sat down feeling confident for the first time since coming to the monastery. Master Zoe thrashed him with her cane and sent him to the kitchen.

Most meditation sessions at the monastery were held in silence. All that could be heard was rhythmic breathing and Blackie Dog scratching and yawning. But the next evening as the third medication session began, Master Zoe, with an almost imperceptible smile on her face, said to no one in particular, "One should not be, where one does not belong."

Blackie Dog gulped and said to himself, "Even I get that one." He felt profoundly sad. "Boss," he said, "I don't feel very good. May I be excused?"

"Of course," said the Mischievous One.

Blackie Dog got up and started to slowly walk away, but he turned his head when he heard Marly Dog begin to speak. This was quite amazing, since Marly Dog had not said even a single word since he had been at the monastery.

Marley Dog spoke, "The tossed ball is not really moving. The running dog is not really moving. Only mind is moving." At that moment Marley Dog entered the state of satori and became Master Marley. His future disciples would talk among themselves about him. They would say, "He is completely still, yet he seems to be running. How is this possible?"

After hearing Master Marley speak, Blackie Dog slowly walked away. Not even an unopened six-pack of beer or a pack of unsmoked cigarettes could have lifted his spirits.

The next morning when the three masters assembled for meditation, Blackie Dog was not there. Master Zoe went looking for him and found him asleep on the kitchen floor. She let him be.

That evening Blackie Dog came to the third meditation session of the day. After sitting down, he said to Master Zoe, "Boss, this meditation stuff just isn't working for me. It's easy for Sienna, and Marley has always been in another world. I just don't get it. I'm trying, but I'm not getting anywhere. Here's your cane. I'm ready for my beating."

"That will not be necessary," said the Blissful One. "You are accepted here. You belong here. You are being just who you are. What more could we ask of you, and what more could you ask of yourself? And, by the way, it's OK that you slip out at night to drink and smoke."

"Huh," said Blackie Dog. "You know about that?"

"Am I not Master Zoe?" she replied.

At that moment, Blackie Dog experienced satori. He looked around with a grin on his face, and he breathed deeply, taking in what had eluded him for so long. Master Blackie then promptly curled up to sleep. After all, he had been out all night smoking and drinking, and he was dog tired.

THE CHRONICLES OF ZOE DOG